Love and Hate

I’ve always had a love hate relationship with chastity since it came into play, this also goes for denial but they usually go hand in hand for us anyways.

Both chastity and denial bring out my submissive feelings, even if I am the one who decides to put the cage on. Just feeling the cage between my legs is a constant reminder of me losing or giving up control. Mix that with a good tease session and some sexual frustration and my mind goes right into sub space. When ever I really get into sub space I find myself wanting more, almost needing to be deeper into that space. I want more or longer tease sessions, I want bondage or other kinkier toys to be involved in those sessions and I want something that’s going to be a constant reminder after the session has ended. In the journey I discovered I’m a nipple slut, I’ve always enjoyed nipple attention but it has become more aggressive over the years and isn’t just kissing, licking and little pinches anymore. After a really good tease session my nipples can be swollen and sore, resulting in a good reminder for hours or even days to come. Another good reminder is spankings but we don’t play with those to the extent of a reminder for days.

One of my biggest hates or even fears with chastity is someone else noticing or finding out Mistress and I secret. I’m always worried it’s noticeable under my clothes or  worried someone might look over while I’m using the urinal. I’ve gotten pretty good at peeing standing up while in chastity over the years so I can still do that when I’m out and about, but at home it’s a rule that I must sit to pee. Pretty sure Mistress made that rule to take away some of my masculinity along with the obvious cleanliness reason. Other hates are being uncomfortable with rubbing or pinching the wrongs areas, I’ve now had to change the way I bend over to pick up stuff because of that. Not sleeping so well because of rude wake up calls, but that isn’t as much of an issue with the holy trainer vs the CB series. Hygiene in general is more difficult in chastity and maintenance like making sure I’m well lotions or oiled to minimized  rubbing and chaffing.

As for denial that’s a different story. There really is only one thing to hate but it can also be loved. Sexual frustration is a weird thing, I can love it one day and hate it the next. All the variables can be the same but the outcome of love or hate can change. I can be teased one day for X amount of time and have no issues walking it off when Mistress says so, and there’s other days when I can have that same arousal level and the tease could be exactly the same but I don’t want to walk it, I want it to be finished off the proper way with an orgasm. Some days I handle it great and others I turn into a whinny little brat who doesn’t want orgasm denial. I have learned to deal with that better since I know Mistress really disapproves of it. Now I just become a desperate horny mess and try bargaining with her for an orgasm, that’s a different story so keep your eyes open for that.  I’m not playing the blame game but I think part of it is because Mistress doesn’t set lengths of denial in stone, or doesn’t tell me about it if she does. I think if I was told I won’t be getting an orgasm until X date I could handle it better and not get whinny. But Mistress loves the mind trips she can send me on and as much as I try that’s not something I can get use to.